The 30-day Silence Breakup Model

2 minute read

It is only when you break up from a romantic relationship, do you really evaluate what really mattered, and what didn't. As a result, if there seems to be a communication breakdown in your relationship, I propose you consider The 30-day Silence Breakup Model.

It's 5a.m. and I'm talking to a friend who is having a communication break down in their relationship in regards to the long-term plan for their relationship. I recommended based on my experience, a 30 day breakup.

A 30 day breakup allows you to reflect on how much the relationship meant to you. It turns off, or at least dims, the blinders that love provides, if the breakup feels authentic.

It gives you a chance to reflect, and to start to list the things that you could improve for both yourself, and the other person. It gives you a chance to reflect on whether or not your needs, wants, and desires, were being met.

The obvious area to focus on, would be communication. Was communication improving, or was it stale?

It's easy to get comfortable with someone, as rejection and loneliness are a couple of our biggest fears. Either of these fears may be an outcome of this exercise. After some time apart, you will determine if your heart is in it, or not. It's quite possible one person will feel different than the other after this exercise, and that may be difficult.

Your one goal during the 30 days of silence, is ensuring complete silence. If it's broken, you need to start over. After that, your goal during this time is to focus on being the best you -- you can be, for yourself. Hit the gym. Go on an adventure. Challenge yourself. Go on a few dates. Cross something off your bucket list. Value and prioritize on yourself.

The reason you went into this exercise, is one side was ready to check out anyway, likely not having their needs met. The big question after this exercise, is do they feel communication will improve, and their needs will be met. It's not impossible to have complete turn arounds in 30 days when you realize through this process how more effort should be made to have the relationship flourish.

After 30 days of complete silence, both parties need to decide if they are interested in open communication at this stage. If one party realizes it's not meant to be at this time, they should clearly, without ambiguity let the other person know, and that person should respect that honesty and move on. You should now value yourself more than you did even 30 days ago, so moving on will be easier.

Ideally both parties will know their wants and desires a little better, and if the communication is open, you can work together on a plan to your mutual satisfaction. Remember that relationships are about compromise, so be an active listener.

Of course, if communication and feelings are mutually great in your relationship as of reading this, with regular checkins, there’s no need to go through the 30-day Silence Breakup Model, this is only intended as a measure if and when there is a serious communication breakdown in a relationship, which hopefully never happens in yours.